committing to the right cafe

I have recently been asked by a few different people why I have issues with committing. Here is what I think:

My very first and foremost ministry in life will be to support and love and respect and encourage and follow my husband and do whatever I can to help his ministry. That may be my first and most important but it is not the only ministry I will have. You know how strongly I feel about people dating others who have no calling to do the same ministry. I fully believe that God had Africa on my heart in His will. I would never say I was out of His will for my life by thinking I was going to be out there. He showed and taught me so much during that time. I had so many life experiences that I would never take back.

Last November my life changed. I would be careful not to say God's will for my life changed because it didn't. God never changes. To God, I am still walking down the same path that I was when I had my life all planned out in the villages of Africa because I still am on the same path. My eyes have been opened to see that Africa was not the destination I thought it was going to be but rather just another part of the journey I am going through as I try to walk closer with God. There will be times when I will be completely in God's will yet where I am at or what I am doing is not the destination He has for me. I am saying all of this to say, after November I took a pause going down that path. I didn't want to see what is after Africa. I am still very slow and very cautious about what's to come but I am seeing more and more with each day. I just feel I want to see more of what God's calling is going to bring to my life before I am able to say I am ready to commit to something and I know that will mean I will have to get back to picking up the pace on this path and leaving Africa behind. Therein lies my main issue with commitment: I will have to commit to the rest of this path which means at least for now leaving Africa and all those plans, I will have to commit to that before I will be able to commit to my husband. I feel if I commit to him before I commit to this path then even though I know it's God's will, I still may harbour some kind of not cool attitude towards him and his ministry because it would be him that would be carrying me down my path away from Africa instead of me walking with God away from it. Do you know what I am saying? Am I making any sense?

Do you ever try to explain something to someone but you don't really know what your answer is so you just keep saying whatever pops into your head then at some point what you are saying registers in your own mind and it clicks and so many things just fall into place? yeah, even if this made no sense to you, it for sure caused a mini revelation to take place for me.