june 30, 2009

Today is a day a lot of us have been dreading. Personally this day cannot go fast enough. I wish it was at least a week behind us. June 30, 2009, an amazing man took his own life. Our pastor, our friend, mentor, teacher, today marks the anniversary of his death.

We are all remembering him in our own way. His family has asked us all to wear red (his favourite colour) in memory of him. Going through Facebook today, I am reading so many notes in tribute to him. If anyone has a picture with him, that is their profile pic. It seems even if people wanted to forget about today, it's not even an option. Memories of him are all around. We all miss him so much. He had amazing impacts in all of our lives.

It's been one year now. I have never written about this before. I am still trying to figure out how to work through this for myself. I'm still not ready to actually do that so that is not what this post is for.

As I read through what everyone is writing, a reoccurring theme I am reading is that we will one day see him again. I have no doubt in my mind that he is with Christ in Heaven. I am not a believer that because he committed suicide this means he has lost his salvation. I am very much opposed to that view. G. K. Chesteron has said a lot of great things however when he agreed that suicide is the worst of all sins, he struck a cord in me and I do not agree with him. I could go on with all the ridiculous notions people have about suicide that I do not agree with but that is also not the point of this post.

The thought of seeing him again has made me question our idea of Heaven. Will we really see him again? When I think of Heaven, I think of the amazing gift we have of spending an eternity praising God. It's ridiculous when I think about eternity doing nothing but sitting in the presence of the glory of God and doing nothing but praising Him! It is so exciting to think about that day!..When I think of Heaven, I do not think about seeing people again. I just have this view that in Heaven no one who we were close with on earth will matter. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe I have skipped those verses because besides this pastor anyone who I have been close to that has died was not a believer.

I don't know why today that is my present thought. It could be because if I don't focus on that then I will be faced with what today really is and I will have to work my way through it but I am not ready for that. There are too many questions that cannot be answered. I just stick with my first statement in that today cannot go fast enough...

~ 63 ~

I sit here 63 days away...63 days away from what? After I clear out my desk, take my pictures off the wall, and hand in those keys, what will I be leaving for? Excitement? Riches? Success? These were all some of the things missing from my desk job, but I don't think they are what I am seraching for next.

When I talk to people about the future, there are two common themes that come up - being wealthy and climbing that corporate ladder. I often wonder if maybe I am too soft spoken, maybe these people legitimately don't hear me; or maybe I am just too different for our worlds to make sense to the other. When I said I am not after money, I honestly meant that. I don't think telling me how to start my own business to help people while making a very health salary is the appropriate response. I don't want to hear about the six figure salaries to be made! Why is this so hard to understand?

I recently made a great friend who, without knowing, has helped me to find a way to figure out what's next. This friend tells about people not by their bank account or their job title, no, he speaks of them by their love for Jesus. So badly I want this to be the first thing said about me! I want people to speak of me like, "I have this friend and she loves Jesus soooo much!"

I have gone in so many circles about the fall. Really the only thing that matters is loving Jesus; I tell people this all the time when they are searching for their own answers - just do whatever you can in order for you to love Jesus even more every day. I just need to find the job I can love Jesus the most with.

I support child sponsorships. I love how these organizations have created this means for people in the west to help the extreme poor in other countries.

I do not support some of the ways these organizations label themselves. They promote the idea that by sending money to these children we are saving them. The people and money of the west are not saviours. The church in African and Asia is growing at an unbelievable rate and these are real Christians, not just pew-takers.

We help them by sending them funds. They are going to help us by showing us a true Saviour.

girl stuff

I love being a girl. Sure there have been those times wishing I had been born a boy to fit in more such as when playing sports or going to car shows or when working at dad's shop - there are only so many times a girl can see that surprised look on a guy's face when he sees her fixing his chainsaw's blade or when he finds out she can change a car's oil. There are numerous other accounts of when girls feel guys have it better but I am pretty sure we all come to the point of really loving being a girl. I could list the reasons why it is so great to be a girl but we don't want to be here for eternity reading through them all.

On many different occasions I have gone through the Bible by studying all the women who had significant roles. What amazing role models! These women knew how great it is being female and they took full advantage of that. Look at Esther, do you think a guy could have waltzed into King Ahasuerus's room like that and not be killed? I am going to go out on a limb and say not a chance! There will always be the question about why the spies went into a prostitute's house to hide but however your view on that is, it wouldn't even matter if it was not Rahab but instead a male prostitute as I am extremely positive those spies would have been way on the other side of the city. I know God could have had Jesus come into the world in another way but for being born a human it was pretty imperative that there was a mother. I am only naming an extreme few of the many accounts of how women helped bring God's plan into fruition, but I think it's obvious that God cares for more than the men. Far too many girls see the leadership roles men have and the great things the guys are able to do and think they are second rate humans because they are girls. I am so glad the Bible included the accounts of these great women and how God used them.

We have huge responsibilities for God's plan and have huge spots in God's love and care. We are His princesses and need to treat not only each other but ourselves in such light. How we treat ourselves reflects back onto our King. How are we reflecting Christ to the world?

be unafraid

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
~ Francis Chan

John Piper has done an amazing series on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. You should check it out by clicking here.