vietnamese coffee

I feel I owe this to all the soldiers, fellow Canadians, and Americans. This whole war in Afghanistan and Iraq has been going on just shy of a decade. I have never really been for or against the war. Yes, I am a hippie thus peace, love, and happiness reign supreme, but I remember where I was for 9/11. I remember feeling Bush was very much in the right in declaring war and sending all those troops. It just never really dawned on me what was going on. I like to say that I try to stay on top of current events and world issues, but I never really cared to understand this. “The Americans are going to fight and resume their world power status and Canadians are going over to clean up their mess and restore peace.” – so often this is the mindset. It was what I understood was going on. Week after week, I see pictures of yet another soldier who has been killed. As I drive along the 401, I see people standing with banners and Canadian flags on the overpasses waiting for the cavalcade of police cars and other chauffeurs that surround the hearse carrying the body of the soldier. My thoughts as I see all this are “Another one down all for the sake of peace from the mess the Americans brought. That sucks….I’m glad I got on the road when I did or I would be stuck in the horrendous traffic that follows the motorcade.” I understood that lives were on the line, I knew a horrific war was taking place across the ocean, but I stayed numb to it all.

I have heard many Americans talk about war. That could be why I chose to stay ignorant of it all. They would bash our Canadians not doing anything but being friendly and then go on to talk about all their big guns and ammunition. This was the mindset of America and all its citizens and soldiers in my mind. It just made the war a bloodthirsty buffet for the Americans. That’s always the way it sounded, so I chose not to think about it. I decided I would never talk about this war because hearing what people had to say was just stupid. They didn’t understand what was going on either but they wanted to sound tough and rough like “real” men.

About a month ago, I took a trip with one of my friends down to Washington, DC to visit my friend, David. That first night we went right into the city to tour around the monuments. Saw the ominous Washington tower, observed the ever cool attitude displayed in the Lincoln monument, and even made it across the river to see Jefferson. They were all amazing and I would love to go back one day when I have more time, but none of them impacted me so much as a long black granite wall. The Vietnam Veterans Memorial has forever changed the way I think about soldiers and war. There are 58,261 names on this memorial. When I went to www.thewall-usa.com to find that number, I also found a wall birthdays page. On this page I could see who would have celebrated their birthday today. They also put the ages of those soldiers, most were younger than I am.

David recently went on a trip to Vietnam to find out more about his grandpa who was a soldier in the Vietnam War. After he showed us his grandpa’s name on the wall, he told us his grandpa’s legacy. Just as the wars of today, I did not understand what the Americans were fighting for so after his grandpa’s story, I asked David to explain what the war was all about. As we stood that night in front of the memorial and he went on to explain all about the war, I was grateful for the shroud of night because if it had been daylight I would not have been able to hide the tears that were taking over my eyes. Many times I was overcome because of what these soldiers were fighting for. I could have spent an eternity looking at the wall and thinking of the story behind it

The war started with communist Northern Vietnam trying to take over South Vietnam. Not only did Vietnam have to fight the war against Northern Vietnam but there were also some communist groups in South Vietnam fighting guerrilla style against them. This is where the Americans come in. They see South Vietnam about to be taken over by this communist regime so they stepped in to try to save them. There is so much more to this history but this is where it got to me. There are over fifty thousand names on that wall, not five thousand or five hundred but over fifty thousand! And that’s not even mentioning all those soldiers who were able to come home but came home with missing limbs or some other physical scars or the traumatizing mental scars that war can leave. These were not lost soldiers because the American army is on the hunt for more kills. These lives were not taken because the American government wanted to show how they are the most powerful country in the world. No, these were lives of brave men and women who cared about the lives of the people of Vietnam. They fought for the freedom of civilians on the other side of the globe! These were strangers, didn’t even speak the same language, yet America sacrificed so many for their cause.

Now anytime I hear anything about any of the wars going on today I think back to that wall and that story and my heart swells up with pride. I may not be American but I know that is how both the Canadian and American armies are fighting today. Yes, they are fighting for our freedom and protection of our own countries, but they are also fighting for the rights of the civilians of those countries as well.

I guess this is somewhat of an apology to soldiers as well to the Canadians and Americans who support them. It’s not that I did not care; I just did not understand and chose to stay that way. I still do not fully understand, but I am not numb to it anymore. All those soldiers are real people with real names and real families. They all have real beds back home and maybe even have their own dog. Yet they choose to leave all of that behind to fight for complete strangers…

Forever in awe

don't abuse the coffee plant

I was reading Isaiah this morning, more specifically chapter 24 vs. 5: "The earth lies defiled under its inhabitants; for they have transgressed the laws, violated the statutes, broken the everlasting covenant." Do you ever think of what the earth would say to us if it could speak our language? What would the stars shout down to us as we look up admiring them? What do the mountains and the oceans or the colourful fall leaves want to tell us? I certainly have never thought about it before reading that verse. We always walk around saying "The heavens declare Your handiwork" or those stars show the glory of God and so on. This verse makes me think. Yes, they do show amazing glory to God. All of nature around us does the job it was made to do - bring God glory. With every sunrise, bird song, shooting star, and budding flower, glory is given to God. Nature can't do much, but we can. God made us in His image. God sent His Son to us. We are God's pride and joy. Yet we forget what we are here for. We forget that no matter what we are doing, we are to be bringing God glory. We are to show God in our every act just as the stars do as they climb to the sky above us every night. I think if nature could tell us one thing it would be "Smarten up and get your act together. All of you not glorifying God like you should be is making all of us look bad." Because of humanity's sins, there was a flood over the whole earth. Because of humanity's sins, there are earthquakes and wars destroying the land. Because of humanity's sins, there will be fire devouring the whole universe. Maybe we should all start being better at taking care of the earth, after all we are the ones who ruined its future. "The earth lies defiled under its inhabitants..."

wait a second, a latte is just milk and espresso!!

I just had a revelation as to why I never share what's going on in my life! I was sitting here at work, I had just messed up huge and was pouting how there has been nothing good happen in 2010 yet. I sent my sister a text saying I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in 2011. I am done with all the bad of this year so far. She texted me back saying "at least you're not in Haiti." Well frig...My family is reknown for this. When someone is complaining about anything, we all point out how their problems really are no where near as bad as they think they are. I am not open about the happenings in my life because when I keep them to myself I can still secretly pout about them! If I was to share what's going on, then without a doubt I know someone would show me how I really have no right to pout about anything. There is my revelation for today.

chocolate covered espresso beans

A smile is a very small gesture but it can brighten someone's entire day.
A smile takes up so very little room yet it can hide an entire life of hurt.
A smile takes such small effort but it can be one of the more contagious actions.
A smile is something even small babies can do yet it can have the strength of lions to cover up the tears threatening to fall.
A smile has a family history that has touched every single person since Adam and Eve yet every new smile born brings its own amazing new adventures.
A smile can be the predecessor of laughs but it could also be the camouflage of pain.
A smile can be a warm welcome...or a smile can be a silent cry for help.

Show love to everyone for you never know what the smile is really saying.

is it a latte or a cappucino?

Has anyone ever called you by the wrong name? The first couple of times it is somewhat funny but repeatedly being called by someone else's name starts to get old really really fast. For me it is like someone not even acknowledging my own existence. I am proud of being different than everyone. I thrive on being unique so when someone can't remember that I am myself and not someone else it really bothers me after repeatedly telling them that I am not that other person. We had a team meeting today about out mission trip to Toronto's homeless this summer. We read a poem that named certain homeless people by their actual names. A point that was made was that when we don't know someone they are just another homeless person but once we know their name it is like it gives them an existence. It kinda brought the point home to me in that if someone can't make my existence priority enough in their life to remember my name then I really should not concern myself with them.

if it has to be decaff

Tomorrow is a big day. I have preliminary testings with the specialist who will be doing the big tests in a little while. I have been all over the map with my responses to this whole cancer scare. I will probably never forget that day in the doctor's office. You would have to know my doctor to fully appreciate this story. He is the type of doctor that never ever ever prescribes medication. He has solved all of my sicknesses with simple changes to my diet. He does not believe in pumping people full of chemicals to cover up their illnesses. (Because that is all prescription drugs do, they just cover up the symptoms. They rarely if ever actually cure someone.) Never have I seen up stressed about my questions or symptoms I have gone to see him about. In other words, he is very down to earth and does not get worked up about his patients' symptoms. He knows how to keep people calm and how to help them realize just because little Jimmy has a bruise on his arm it does not mean it will have to be amputated. When I went to him about random bruises and super dizzy spells, instead of referring to a lot of blood work and thinking of the worst case scenario, he simply showed me how to breathe while stretching so as to not cut off the oxygen flow to my brain and told me to stop being so clumsy as to repeatedly walk into walls and tables. (I still swear the walls keep moving.) All that to say when that day came when I was sitting in his office and saw him scared about what could possibly be going on inside me, it showed me how serious this might be.

I didn't react to what he was saying while I was in his office. It was more shock that was washing over me. All I could think about was how many people in my family history have died from cancer. It is a disgusting thing to think about. It was not until I walked out of his office and was sitting in my car did it hit me what this might mean. I decided right there that if this does turn out to be cancer, it will not kill me. My family will not see me weak and sick. I will stay strong and battle this out.

Outside my parents and sisters, no one in my family believes in God. This thought struck me as I sat in my car outside the doctor's office. I had prayed just a few days before for my family. I had asked God to use anything to please show them His love and grace so they might come to Him. That prayer came back to my memory. Could God be allowing cancer in my body to bring their attention to Him? At that moment I felt honoured. I told God that if I need to have cancer in order for my grandparents to know His saving grace then bring it on. I dedicated myself to be a testimony through it all so they might know Him. If the verdict was to come back that it is cancer, I would tell my parents and my sisters that they too need to be strong and be the testimonies our family needs to see. This does not mean I am asking for cancer; I am just asking to be used however He wills. I am begging even if it means for me to go through the hell that is cancer, my family might be saved.

I am nervous about tomorrow. I am praying it all comes back clean as a slate. I am just writing all this so I am reminded of the sacrifice I signed up for. I pray with all my heart that I am healthy and cancer-free but more than that I pray that I will be willing to be used however God wills. If that means cancer then so be it but let's pray He has another plan for me.

excuse me, miss barista, but there is a fly in my coffee

Ever have one of those situations where you just want to leave it up to God but you don't know how much you should do? I know some of you are saying once it is in God's hands, I should leave it all alone and do nothing. Well in response to that I say God says He will take care of us and provide our every need. He tells us not to worry about our clothes, but if we don't reach out to put the clothes He has provided us with, we will walk around naked. Yes, God is in control of everything and yes, we can depend on Him for everything but He doesn't want us to be like little infants who He needs to feed and bathe.

I recently had a situation come up and I gave it all to God. At the time I was most concerned about it I read this illustration in a Max Lucado book about a fly in a plane. He pointed out that the fly is flying in the flying plane but it could just sit and relax and let the plane do all the flying. I shouldn't worry about trying to do all these things. God is in control and I should just let Him be in control. I remind myself a lot to not be the fly flying in the flying plane. That was ok, I could manage doing that because there never was an opportunity for me to try to fix the situation. Until now. There is ample opportunity for me but I don't know what to do now. I left it all to God so does that mean I should make myself unavailable and they would have to search me out for this situation to be fixed or has God made it so that I am available and should I let myself stay very available and then deal with the issue that arises when they don't even try to fix it even though I am right there?! God makes every answer available so that I might know what the best one for me is, however He does not always make it a black and white option. He gives us all situations that we need to think through and figure out what to do with what positions He has put us in. So as I go to refill my coffee cup I will be thinking of the pros and cons of the choice I have to make.

someone burnt my espresso!

Ever have one of those days where you are so frustrated all you want to do is cry? A day when everyone around you except for the one causing the frustration can see how you are a ticking bomb? You work so hard to do everything so well yet the one person you are doing it for brushes it off like it's nothing or tells you that it is all wrong. I guess that is the way God feels with us. He is trying to have complete control of our lives, trying to lead us in the right path for our own benefit yet we don't give Him the control. He knows what is best yet we want things done our own way. So many times when my work is unappreciated or when everyone knows my way is right except for that one person, I just want to give up. I just want to put on my coat, clear out my office, and go home. I wonder how many times God would have left me. How many times have I frustrated God because I wouldn't accept that His way is the best way? Thankfully God promised to never leave us or forsake us, or His office probably would have been cleared out a very very long time ago.

welcome to the cafe

I am not a talker. Only one time in my life have I ever been told that I am good at putting my thoughts into verbal communication. If you want to know what I really think or feel about something, get me to write you a letter. Where verbal communication fails me, written language does not. Something that I can only say ten words about can come through in a five page letter. The realization of this came when I was going through some tough times and my roommate was getting frustrated with me since I did not talk about what was going on. She said I needed to figure out a way to deal with my thoughts and get them out before I blew up from all the thoughts just getting jammed in there with no way of escape. Thus started my letter writing. If I was mad at someone, I would write them a letter. If I had so much I wanted to say to someone, I would write them a letter. No matter what I was going through I would write a letter. Some of you might be wondering if a letter was lost in the mail and that's why you have never received a letter. Well, the postman is awesome and never loses any of my letters. I have never mailed one single letter to anyone. I write the letter and then it stays in my notebook. Just getting the thoughts out on paper helps so much. I do not know if I could ever have anyone read what I write in those letters. Not only am I not mailing the letters but most of the time the letters are to God. I write my prayers out in letter form a lot of the time. It helps me work through things. It is also a way of keeping track of when prayers are answered. It is a very encouraging thing to go through that notebook and to see the prayers and remember when and how they were answered. I highly recommend it.

Ok so now you know about the letters, but what is this about coffee you are wondering. Well, although I am not a talker, there have been times I have been able to discuss thoughts and opinions or ideas and dreams with people. These conversations almost always occur with a coffee in hand. There is just something about coffee that brings about a feeling of relaxation and trust. Being able to be open with someone is just made so much easier with a mug of hot liquid in my hands. So that is what this is about: being open. Mainly being open about what God is teaching me, but also being open about life and dreams and how those three all come together. I know I am learning a lot as I write all the letters (I guess in this case they would be called "posts"), and hopefully you will also be able to apply something you read here to help in your own walk.