june 30, 2009

Today is a day a lot of us have been dreading. Personally this day cannot go fast enough. I wish it was at least a week behind us. June 30, 2009, an amazing man took his own life. Our pastor, our friend, mentor, teacher, today marks the anniversary of his death.

We are all remembering him in our own way. His family has asked us all to wear red (his favourite colour) in memory of him. Going through Facebook today, I am reading so many notes in tribute to him. If anyone has a picture with him, that is their profile pic. It seems even if people wanted to forget about today, it's not even an option. Memories of him are all around. We all miss him so much. He had amazing impacts in all of our lives.

It's been one year now. I have never written about this before. I am still trying to figure out how to work through this for myself. I'm still not ready to actually do that so that is not what this post is for.

As I read through what everyone is writing, a reoccurring theme I am reading is that we will one day see him again. I have no doubt in my mind that he is with Christ in Heaven. I am not a believer that because he committed suicide this means he has lost his salvation. I am very much opposed to that view. G. K. Chesteron has said a lot of great things however when he agreed that suicide is the worst of all sins, he struck a cord in me and I do not agree with him. I could go on with all the ridiculous notions people have about suicide that I do not agree with but that is also not the point of this post.

The thought of seeing him again has made me question our idea of Heaven. Will we really see him again? When I think of Heaven, I think of the amazing gift we have of spending an eternity praising God. It's ridiculous when I think about eternity doing nothing but sitting in the presence of the glory of God and doing nothing but praising Him! It is so exciting to think about that day!..When I think of Heaven, I do not think about seeing people again. I just have this view that in Heaven no one who we were close with on earth will matter. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe I have skipped those verses because besides this pastor anyone who I have been close to that has died was not a believer.

I don't know why today that is my present thought. It could be because if I don't focus on that then I will be faced with what today really is and I will have to work my way through it but I am not ready for that. There are too many questions that cannot be answered. I just stick with my first statement in that today cannot go fast enough...