I am such a girl. I have always been basing my future ministry on what my husband is going to do:

- I used to say there was no way I would end up not being a missionary in Africa. I was going to marry/date only the guys that also said they were going to be missionaries in Africa.

- Once I accepted that I probably won't end up as a missionary wife in Africa, I moved on to say that without a doubt in my mind I am going to be a pastor's wife. I would tell people "I know no one really knows for sure what they are going to do but I know for sure I will be a pastor's wife..."

What if I don't? What if God has me fall in love and marry someone who is not in full-time ministry? What if He has a plumber, a teacher, a musician, a whatever for me? What if...? Will I be able to trust His leading? Will my faith be strong enough to follow God's will for me? Or will I plunge into some darkness because God does not place me in a marriage with a man who is a pastor?

I would love to be able to say I will be able to be 100% happy all the time no matter where God leads me, but let's face it - I am in no way a spiritual super hero. God just makes me realize so much more and more every day how I really should not be trying to put my plans in stone as He is the master Planner. He is the one Who puts plans in motion, not me. I can make so many plans and tell so many people that I am going to do something with full sincerity yet I have no more say over that then I had say over what family I was going to be born into. Trusting God's plan for me is a full-time career yet I put it off as only part-time. I take what light He has shown me and I run off in my own direction without waiting to hear from Him. You would think after 23 years of messing up I would learn to not trust my own plans and just wait for God and go where He leads me.